Fort's Cancer Sux!!

Ok - Im starting this blog for an number of reasons....first of all, Im pretty lucky to have all these people who are concerned about whats going on with me, coupled with the fact that I really hate talking on the phone. (just ask ang, I always have)

So this is my little way of keeping everyone updated on the goings on of my re-match with good ol' breast cancer. Im not sure why it came back. Friemuth (Sorry-McCall), who's going through her own health related debachle and I decided that someone from high school put a curse on us. When we find you, we're kicking your ass. Seriously.

I guess it all started when anything crappy happens - when GOOD things were happening! I had just gotten this great promotion at work at the beginning of the year - mananaging another one of our warehouses in Cincinnati, a successful operation that just needed that perfect customer service shmoozer - ME! I replaced Ruth, who was retiring, and really left some big shoes to fill. I was loving the customers & the co-workers and especially being done at four!!

But that wasnt the only good thing that was happening....John and I had finally found a house! Great neighborhood, HUGE backyard with a firepit, nearly maintenece free landscaping, just all around awesome. The month we put a bid on it though, I starting wigging out. Bad. I dont know why I was stressing so bad, but I was giving myself panic attacks over the dumbest stuff. Just worrying about EVERYTHING....would we have enough for the closing, could we really afford this, what would our Cinergy bill be? Needless to say everything worked out, but once we were in the house, I just started feeling tired. And it wasnt getting better. I kind of just chalked it up to my body adjusting to two new environments - a new warehouse and a new house.

But something was wrong. Everytime I would go up the stairs to the bedroom, I was out of breath. Now any of my Cincy-Dayton rugby teammates will tell you that I was never the fittest one on the team, but after five steps I was breathing like I had just finished a 5K (YES! Ive actually ran a few) Then I was getting some weird side pains that put me in the ER twice. The second time I was actually admitted and my mom came down for the day and they ran all kinds of tests on me with no conclusions. The only thing they advised: Go see your oncologist.

The breathing was getting worse and I had an MRI, two CAT scans, and a PET scan. The results were not good. The cancer has spread to the lungs, possibly bones, and possibly in the pelvic region. I had my first chemo on May 5th - Mike & jens wedding. Then I was to start my oral chemo the next day. Xeloda - three pills in the morning, three at night. I was ok after chemo. Went out and got a new outfit for the wedding, got to the wedding and decided I better have a good time while I could before the chemo set in. OOPS! Dont drink five beers after chemo! I like to think of myself as a sacrificial lamb to the partying Gods. If I have to drink a few beers to come to the conclusion that beer after chemo is bad, in order save others from the hell of the day after....then so be it. Im a proud volunteer.

John's parents are in Ireland for three weeks. We were just going to wait to tell them until they got home, but John mentioned we might get better gifts If we told them. Plus with my hair falling out again, I wanted some good celtic bandana type things so it was really a no-brainer. I emailed them and VOILA! Got the most beautiful planter a few days later and a confirmation that our shopping requests would be fulfilled. Ive really become an expert with the cancer card.

That weekend SUCKED. I woke up dehydrated, begging for a Poweraide. Had a fever of about 103, just felt absolutely awful. Post 21st birthday awful. John had to get back to Cincinnati for the Old Boys game since he was cooking (8 pans of Chicken Enchilada Casserole..mmm) - I guess the good thing was that I was able to give Pam 2 solid days of nursing my sorry ass. She didnt want to let me leave!

I did finally go back Sunday and went to work Monday and it was the worst work day of my life. I should have been there. There was La-La land, and then there was me, about 10 miles over. I just wanted to go home but sucked it up, which seems to be my little mantra, till four. Tuesday was better. I had gotten plenty of rest after work on Monday and drove up to the Cracker Barrel in Middletown to meet mom for dinner and then go to the Chi-Gong class. Check it out: http://www.chilel.com/ It was reccomended to me the first time I was diagnosed, but I guess I was too busy with trying to get back to my old life that I kind of ignored anything else. This time is a little different though.

My mom ran into an old high school friend who had been practicing this and knew of alot of success stories. I was willing to try anything! She had come over the weekend after my first chemo to tell us about it and to walk us through some of the motions. She left me with a book full of testimonials and a video where I could do it on my own. Ive been doing it on my own to the video every day and went to the class this week. It was great. And Ive been feeling better everyday that Ive been doing it.

Ok Im jumping around.

So that first week I went back to work, I met mom for dinner on Tuesday (and mentioned to her NUMEROUS times, "now, you know exactly what time this starts, right??? Right??) So when we get there, everyones already in mid-chi. She said it started at 730 and it started at SIX!!!! Thanks Pam!! Anyway, she felt so guilty that she wanted to buy me some books, some funny stuff I could read when I was feeling crappy. Who am I to stop her from buying my love? As long as it makes her feel better. Thats what Im here for. So I picked up some David Sedaris books I hadnt read and was happy and went home.

Big Mistake!

That was a little too much activity for the drugs I was on and Wednesday I was back up $hit creek w/out a paddle. This time I went to work, tired, glaring into my computer screen, accomplishing NOTHING. I called Vicky, my relief and went home. The chemo had started to cause sores in my mouth, and although I really should be focusing on eating healthy, all I wanted was a McDonalds Cheeseburger and vanilla shake. Angie called and said she was getting off around 11 ish and that she would pick me up the goods. She just works around the corner. So by noon, IM DROOLING for this food, too tired to get up for anything. ang finally shows up at TWO O'CLOCK......TWO O'CLOCK!!! Whatever ang, I forgive you. We sat up in bed watching soaps, and Angie made fun of my soaps and said how fake they were. I mentioned that HER soap once CLONED Reva and THEN gave her a "quick growing potion" where the cloned Reva grew from birth to an old woman dying of old age in a matter of about 60 episodes. WHAT-EVER.

I made it through the rest of the week ok, gradually feeling better every day, be it from the chemo or the Chi-Gong - who cares! I was though, a little worried about how this would effect me at work. I HAVE to be there, and it worried me that If I ever got sick from the chemo, what if my relief wouldnt be around? Commonwealth Inc to the rescue. Karen, the VP, visited me on Friday and told me they were moving me back to my old location, old job. This way, if I wasnt feeling good, I didnt have to get a last minute sub. They actually went as far as already having my replacement when she came in. I think she may have been worried that I would look at it as a demotion but I totally didnt. I was so relived that they took the steps to do this because Im so stubborn and would have lollygagged around the situation. Im happy with the change. I just didnt want to disappoint anyone.

This week has been better - The breathing is getting much better and today I was supposed to have chemo but apparently both my mom and I misunderstood Romer. I was only coming in to have blood tests. My Hemoglobin was low so I got a shot of something that burned like hell and was shot into a big wad of pinched fat from the back of my arm....(gotta do something about that)

Then mom and I went to First Watch, the offical post-chemo lunch location. Sorry dad. (he hates First Watch - they dont Fry ANYTHING.)

This weekend is OU Rugby alumni weekend and I didnt think Id be up for it but now that Im not going to be reeling from the chemo, Im a go!! (Much to the dismay of Donny & Pam) I promise not to hike up and down Athens hills and nto to spend too much time at the Cats Eye. But seriously, can you REALLY spend TOO MUCH time at the Cats Eye? I dont think so. I am a little bummed that John ended up having to work that weekend. He always has a good time sitting around, listening to the same OU war stories over, and over and over and over and over, again.....

Anyhoo, Ill be at work tomorrow. Ill post as often as I can, with any fun, crappy updates that might actually interest people.

Oh, my hair is kinda starting to fall out. just come out in clumps if I pull on it and more when im in the shower. That reminds me. we need to get a screen for the drain in our tub. That could cause some problems. Or maybe this weekend Ill make some crazy bet with a rookie - "Hey kid, do this shot and ILL SHAVE MY HEAD".....man, those alumni are WICKED CRAZY!!!!

ha ha. thats all for now.