Fort's Cancer Sux!!

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!

Ok so its friday, and I woke up, probably the happiest chemo patient in the country...maybe the whole world... I was just PUMPED to get some more cancer killing toxins back in my veins. Ive felt so much better since my last chemo - I seriously couldn't wait for more.

So I woke up and I had to remember to take my scrapbook I made a few months ago with me because A) I was going out for coffee with laura after chemo and she's in it so I wanted to show her and B) Rodney's 5th grade class is doing scrapbooking and he wanted to use mine to show his class. Im sure their scrapbooks will look excactly like mine with the exeption of everyone in the pictures NOT holding bud lights and looking completely trashed. (just kidding its not that bad...except for this one picture of Alisa...classic)

*and also for those of you who have seen said scrapbook, dont worry - I mentioned to Rodney not to show them the picture of Pauly & Mongo where their shirts say, respectively: "I watch A LOT of Porn, Whats your excuse" and "Non-Practicing Homicidal Maniac"... I mean, you dont start wearing those novelty T-shirts till AT LEAST the 6th or 7th grade!!!

So anyway, I asked mom if she had a tote bag for my scrapbook because she usually has a gajillion of them laying around from all the Picture Book confrences she goes to with all her teacher friends - but of course, we couldnt find one so I just used this paper bag.

I get to chemo and Im PUMPED! But also, a little sniffly. Ive had some sinus thing going on for the last few days. Maybe just a little head cold. No biggie right? WRONG. They take my blood work and the nurse comes back and lets me know that my "Counts are looking a little Poopy today" Apparently you get chemo if your counts are shitty, crappy or dumpy, but poopy requires a doctors notification before they'll pump you full of the toxic goodness.

Ok, just as Im trying really hard to hold back the tears, one of the nurses comes in with a free gift from one of the drug reps.....you guess it!!! I FRIGGING TOTE BAG!!! Its as if the chemo Gods were smiling upon me. And it was filled with a fleece blanket for these chilly 87 degree days coming up, a fleece hat, little leather binder, pocket poker and some hand sanitizer.

Now many of you have heard the story of when I was signing up for the Race for a Cure walk right? Well, I just couldnt resist using some old material from three years ago and announced very loudly in the treatment room that "Yeah..This cancer thing is really working out for me!!" The nurses got a kick out of it but again, not a lot of fanfare from the 8 other patients in the room.

But I was on a roll and added, "You know, the first thing I thought when I found out about the recurrance was, Sweet! More free stuff!" Again, NOTHING from the peanut gallery. I keep for getting that when people laugh about these things I say, Im usually in a bar. And they're drunk.

Speaking of which - Another funny story I forgot to tell about alumni weekend. I was playing it safe when I got to the Cats eye and a bottle of Smirnoff ice looked pretty innocent. Another alumni guy walked up and started giving me a hard time for not drinking beer. Not feeling like going into details, I just said I hadnt been feeling well and this just "seemed like the way to go", to which he put his arm around me and replied, "Honey, you just need a Bloody Mary, that'll cure whatever you've got!" Ouch. Am I going to go there??? Of course I am!!

"Really? It will cure my breast cancer?"

Awkard pause. Exit an uncomfortable alumni rugger.

You know, I have to say, If I can just make one person uncomfortable a day, then its all been worth it.

Ok, back to today. So they come back and tell me that the doctor (not my doctor, hes out today, and dammit I swear if he was there I would have harrassed him in to letting me have it but whatever) WILL NOT let me have chemo and that I have to come back in a WEEK. Great. At this point I think my work is going to start thinking Im lying bc i thought I was getting chemo for this and LAST friday, and now NEXT friday. I was really pissed and I told all the nurses that I was going to "trash them in my blog"....but of course I wouldnt do that! I love them all and they put up with my shit so, Brenda! I was just kidding!!!!

:)

So after wards laura (friemuth) McCall picked me up and forced me to go to Starbucks because she's not wired enough off her own human nature. Im anti-Starbucks for the record but its a drug to her and she was paying so my favorite gas station coffee was out. We sat at starbucks and talked about our mutual health curses and her little brother who will be a starting varsity offensive lineman at Alter who, the last time I saw him, was a violent four year old obesessed with dinosars. And then I convinced her to go to Fairmont to check the place out. We harassed Robertson and Jonnie and made a visit to the famous Bill Buirley.

Buirley is always a sure thing when it comes to visiting teachers because he's NEVER teaching. In his defense, he WAS showing "Multiplicity" to his class, which I guess is kinda like math. (IF any Admin are reading this - it was also the seniors last day so please dont fire him)

Laura and I were going to hit Kiln'Time where we were going to paint mugs for each other, but then her husband called and informed her that her little girl, Mallory had thrown his phone in the toilet. kids. So she took me to pick up my car that was getting a desperately needed oil change and then I headed to Moraine Meadows to visit mom and drop the scrapbook off to rodney.

My mom was in the middle of reading the classes submissions where they had to complete old wives tales...its supposed to be cute, but of the 30 or so that she read, (I know the kids wont be reading this blog) 99% of them were absolutely stupid. I know, they're just 3rd graders, but come on! I dont even know why she read the ones that said: "HASTE MAKES_______________", becuase quite frankly, I DONT REALLY EVEN KNOW WHAT "haste" means so how are these third graders supposed to know?

Albeit, there were two that were pretty funny - although none of the kids laughed at those of course:

"Dont put off today, WHAT YOU CAN PUT OFF TILL NEXT WEEK"
and
"A penny saved, A NICKEL SPENT"

I got to meet a lot of the new staff members and I think it was important that I show up all bald to prove that she hasnt just been skipping school and making up this "sick daughter"

Now Im back at their place getting ready to head off to my CHI-GONG retreat for three days in Indiana. Im pretty excited and I guess the bright side is that it will help me get better so I can have chemo next friday. Hopefully Ill remember to steal moms dig. camera so I can take pictures to post when I get back, because I know how much you all want to see pictures of people you dont know. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!

Have a happy weekend and Ill be back on Monday!

:)