Fort's Cancer Sux!!

Wednesday’s Rant…

First of all, the office no longer stinks...we had the doors open all day yesterday and theres only the faint smell of burning in the break room, or what my co-workers are now referring to as "Ground Zero"....

Well…where do I start. Ive got four words for my diet: “Suckety-Suck-Suck-Suck”…
I mean, Im still sticking with it, but after a motivated and successful first week, I did what I usually do and used it as an excuse bury myself in ice cream and take some well deserved “off” days from working out.

Its not cutting it! So today I tried to turn over a new leaf. When John got up this morning….he’s usually painfully respectful of my sleeping…(I actually wish he’d be louder and turn all the lights on) I asked him to leave his light on….closed my eyes and let the bright light absorb into my retina and tell my brain it was time to get up. It was before SEVEN! (I usually get up around 730 – and Im showered and out the door by 745) So now Im up, showered, dressed, MADE AN EGG SANDWICH, Unloaded and Loaded and STARTED the dishwasher, Caught about six minutes of the Today show and was at work by 7:30.

It’s a MIRACLE!!!

So I need to start making some more changes to this diet. Counting calories hasn’t really motivated me but Im definitely going to stick with it. Im going to have to bring another dimension into my routine. One that I ABSOLUTELY HATEY-HATE-HATE-HATE. Weights. But that’s a key element in a weight loss program…Im going to add the wrist weights to my walk and buy some cheapy 10 lb dumbbells and start pushing long reps to tone down a bit. I hate it. And Im probably going to have to suck it up and dust off that big blue ball that’s supposed to give you lots of “fun” exercizes…so far Its made for, well its not made for anything yet. This bridesmaid dress leaves nothing to the imagination when it comes to arms, and theres nothing worse than a fat bridesmaid’s flabby arms on display for all the guests.

More ranting…

Id like to see a collective effort on the part of society to start driving faster. And of course paying more attention. I almost got violently rear-ended the other day by someone who was speeding along Winton Road and didn’t see me sitting in the left lane waiting to turn left onto Cherryblossom. Im looking in my rear-view mirror and I see this car about 100 yards back. I assume its going to go around me because it seems the better option than hitting me, but I keep glancing…its closer….closer now…closer still….oh shit! I hit the gas and move up a good five feet as this asshole finally swerves to the right lane and barely misses me..
So what Im saying is that we collectively need to drive faster and pay more attention, except for this dill wad, who just needs to pay more attention.

Part of my new effort to wake up early involves a sincere attempt to start going to bed early….I CANNOT turn my brain off at night. Casey told me to start writing things down that are on my mind, but it never fails. Its always some hair-brained book idea. Last night, the idea that kept me up was a book called, “The Poor, Lazy, Liberated Woman’s guide to putting up drywall.” Im going to write a book on how one single woman could finish a basement….over the course of a year. It would involve baby steps…maybe the first month all that’s required is measuring….see? How hard was that? The next month involves buying 2x4’s….and dropping them off in the basement….rest another month! You deserve it. Putting 2x4’s into concrete would be big step….you get the picture? Just ease the person into the process. Theres no rush! Also, this way you spread out the cost of finishing the basement and it doesn’t feel like quite the financial hit. I don’t know If I want to go off just books from the library…Ill probably have John’s Dad help me out.

Also, If you steal this idea and I see this book at Barnes & Noble someday, Im going to track all my IP addressees and track your ass down, sue you, and use the money to finish my basement, sucker!!!

One more thing…I finally made it over to Stacy & Caseys yesterday to get my camera. Ive got the garage code because Im special and I had cancer. Anyway, as im coming out, its different from their last house….about 20 feet from the doorway (with the button) to the garage door. Hmmm….how do I get out of here? So I push the button and make a run for it, the garage door is coming down and Im feeling like im in one of those movies where the hero dives under the falling door and spares themselves. Well, as im ducking and sprinting under the door, my foot trips the laser-thingy and the garage door goes back up. Hmm. How am I going to do this?

Well, I have a college degree, so it was only a matter of time before I realized that if I punched in the code and hit enter again, the door would shut. Whats funny though, is that when I called Stacy to tell her about my near-death experience, she didn’t roll her eyes and tell me about hitting the code, she’s all, “Dude! You gotta JUMP OVER THE TRIP BEAM!!” …..um…OK! So then I tell her about punching in the code and she was all, “Oh yeah, that’s probably better.”

Happy Wednesday!!