Fort's Cancer Sux!!

The Great Fake Purse Debate of 2007

I know most of you will be surprised that someone who has been carrying around a second hand purse (Thanks Ang) for the last three years (and secondhand wallet up until a few months ago-thanks Ang) would have such passionate opinions on fake purses.

Let me start out by saying two things: I got a fake purse for Christmas, and I may have even asked for it. Mom and Dad went to NYC for a wedding this year and I cant remember if I asked mom to pick me up one or not. I cant remember. I do know she bought two off a credible street vendor and when they got home, let me pick the one I liked the best and I wouldnt see it again until Christmas.

The purse (above) is adorable. I was really shocked to see the lengths they go to pull this off. I mean, seriously. Its a $20 purse. Do you really think I need the Crown-Royal-esque satchel inside and the "Patch of Authenticity" on the inside? Dont insult my intelligence, please.

So anyway, I am in the process of transferring one purse to another and although I maintain that the purse IS cute and I WILL be using it, I still have some "issues

• First of all, I have heard that buying fake purses means you support terrorism. I don't support George Bush, so many of you probably would have assumed that anyway. If we dont buy fake purses from scam artists, they'll find something else to duplicate on the cheap and we'll all buy that too until its uncovered that its all being manufactured in Al-Quiada factories and then we're all back to going to hell again, so whatever.
  
• Here's the thing, fake purses have saturated the market so badly that unless you have a record deal or an Oscar, I am going to ASSUME That your Coach/Prada/D&B purse is fake. I dont care how nice your car is. Many rich people are rich because they are cheap. So it is very likely that even though you have nice things, your purse could very well be fake.
  
• I think that maybe my problem lies with the fact that, in light of the availability of these fake purses, there are still A) People who actually fork over the cheese to buy the real thing. B) People who, on the Things-that-are-important-in-my-life list, rate brand-name purses at a 3 or a 4. They are the ones who consider the carat size of their engagement ring more important than the compatibility of their fiance. They walk among us.
  
• A friend I will only refer to as "Lacey" and I were talking about this the other day and she went on a rant about some coworkers of hers who's pride and joy are their ITTY-BITTY coach purses. "That's what they carry ALL their SHIT IN!....All of it!" She said. She then went on to describe said purses. "You remember those little pencil pouches we had in elementary school? The ones that looked like a cylinder and held your pencils and your pencil sharpener? THATS what they look like! Pencil pouches with straps! I just want to say, 'Hey, I had one of those once with a Hello Kitty' on the side of it!" Nice. I was happy she got so emotionally involved in the subject, even though she later commented that I was "thinking too hard" about it.
  
• -Side Note- While Im thinking about it....Ang, you can find out what falafel is at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falafel Usually you'll find that most prepare it by frying it, but I save some calories by balling it up and grilling little "medallions" on a skillet. Tastes just fine. I buy it in a box with 2 dry pouches, just add water, let it sit for 10 min and work it like cookie dough. I get about 12 disks out of a pouch. I got into this when I worked at Souflakis at OU. I should eat it more. Im sure falafel "purists" will pooh-pooh my powdered mix, but I dont care. Ok - so back to the purses. I love the purse. Im not saying I dont love the purse, but I guess my hang up is that, maybe I feel that OTHERS will see me with the purse and think one of two things - Either I am one of these sad, vapid people who value overpriced purses over all else, or I am someone who is trying to impress others with my fake purse. I am neither. I am just a girl with a purse, standing in front of society, asking it to love her anyway. (sorry, I know ive referenced this Notting Hill moment -or as my dad likes to call it, "Nodding Off" - before, I just love it so.)

Im sure Ive offended all kinds of people who love their $800 purses. Im sorry. Im probably just as at fault for my own love of the finer things. Like White Zinfandel and Saturns. I just like the best of everything I guess.

Becuase of the 80 or so people who visit this blog everyday, I felt I owed it to you all to do some research.

Here's something that might make you want to stab your eye out with a pencil: (I particularly like this comment: "UMM UHH YESSS!! I am seriously the queen of purses, and im 12!! There are waayyyy to many things to tell you all the differences." http://au.answers.yahoo.com/answers2/frontend.php/question?qid=20070828140812AAbEDZn The parents of that 12 year old should be shot. If I am within an earshot of a 12 year old who mutters "UH, YES! I am seriously the queen of purses" I will have to put the smack down. Jail will be worth it.

I also found this statement off a REAL purse site warning people of fakes.

"Packaging – You know the saying “God is in the details?” Well, when it comes to the packaging of a high-end product that is gospel. Even though counterfeiters have gotten fancier in their packaging they still usually lack the style of the original. Most upscale designer handbags always come with a dust case in which to keep the purse. Counterfeiters are also doing this but the quality of the fabric they use for their case gives the fake away. Quality cases come in soft fabric with a satin-like drawstring. Fakes employ a tissue-thin casing with substandard drawstring."

Wow. A "Substandard drawstring"? A substandard drawstring??? Are you f*$%King kidding me? I need to make more money, seriously. Who ever wrote that deserves to lose money to fake purses, simply by having the gall to refer to a drawstring as "Substandard". Thats what you get for being a purse snob.

To those of you who own real, authentic, purses worth hundreds of dollars, I apologize. I think its my own personal hangup. I need to deal with it. Ever since Nick and I begged mom for real Eastlands in junior high and got the fake, plastic ones with a green tag who's laces didnt coil up on the ends like real Eastlands did, I started to develop an acceptance of the knock-offs, while at the same time, despising the real ones and the lucky few who had them. You know the ones:

Wow! I thought this was going to be a quickie! Oh, and one more thing before I go - DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT see "Walk Hard". Save your 9.50. It was TER.IH.BULH. I love EVERYTHING else Apatow has done but this was just NOT FUNNY. John thought it was ok, but I nodded off at one point. While we're on the subject, I have two movie cards worth a combined amount of $1.00, if anyone would like them. You will need seventeen more cards to see a movie though.

I would love to hear all your random thoughts on fake purses. Please dont be to hard on me, ok? Remember, I was subjected to fake Eastlands.

I woke up Sunday morning feeling unsettled, like I didnt "Wrap it up".....so in conclusion, I just want to say that I wish we could institute a Global "Purse Policy", where every purse is $20. This way, people with money dont buy $500 purses, making the rest of society want them and going to extreme measures like blowing a paycheck or getting a fake. Thank You.

Happy Weekend.