Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Nothing says "Holidays" like slow days at work and an avalanche of crazy forwards getting passed around....Heres a glimpse into some of the more noteworthy things that have hit my inbox this week:

KABA KICK - It is what you think it is...

This gem ended up on the Kelt's website. From the look of that graphic, one might think it was an error on the part of the photo department. Heads should roll! We dont want kids thinking that guns are made to be crammed into your temple before you pull the trigger, right? WRONG! "Kaba Kick" is the just the thing to let your kid know, that for now, you have to suffer through your crappy life, but once you're big enough to get your own gun, you can go hog wild with your own REAL game of russian roulette! Kaba Kick is Russian Roulette for kids. The player points the gun at his or her own head and pulls the trigger. Instead of bullets, a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo). If the gun doesn't fire, the player earns points. Yeah. This is for real...

What would Jesus drink? "Formula J", of course.

Stolen right off those tall white candles you can score in the Mexican Food section at Kroger, these "Spiritual Water" bottles are the latest product geared toward the spiritual. Ok, Catholics. This has Catholicism written all over it. I forwarded this link to some friends asking if I missed some eleventh commandment demanding "Thou shall not rape the consumer in thy name", and my dad thought it might have been lost on one of the tablets Moses dropped. He watches A LOT of Mel Brooks.

Really? THAT'S Your muffin top. REALLY.


Im glad I saved this photo off the MSN news page this morning in a moment of outrage, because just a few hours later? It was removed from the site. I can only IMAGINE the responses MSN was getting about their choices of photos for the "Whittle your Middle" article. Seriously? This woman seems to be struggling AWFULLY hard to get that hot dog sized "muffintop" pulled out over her size 2 jeans. You know what Id be doing if I had a muffintop that looked like that? NOTHING. I take that back. Not only would I NOT try to "whittle" it down, but Id call my husband and tell him to make an extra slab of ribs tonight - MAMA's GOT SOME CALORIES TO CONSUME!!!!

Im curious about those news pages. This isnt the first time that a photo that annoyed me was pulled an hour later. I imagine they have some panel of 1000 people or so who glaze over the front page each day, choose their articles, and give feedback on what works and what doesnt. Id like to be one of those people. Wake up, eat breakfast, criticize the online news, go back to bed.

I was listening to Jeff Ruby on the radio and he was giving that "Imagine what you love doing the best and make a career out of it." I hate that lecture. Only people who have actually succeed in doing that can spout that crap out, but in the real world? Majority of 20something guys will never be able to make rent playing their new Wii game, masturbating, or drinking beer. Likewise, most women cant cover the mortgage scrapbooking all day, reading gossip magazines and drinking beer. Its frustrating. And deep, deep down, we all want to believe it, but it seems way to out of reach.

And finally, the email we've all probably received at least three times in the last two years and repeat to ourselves, "Im going straight to hell for laughing at this"....the HILLBILLY WEDDING....


There are way too many factors going on in these pictures to qualify it as a legitimate wedding. First of all, the men and women are legitimately dressed. The bridesmaid dresses arent actually horrible, I mean, who am I to talk? My brides only had feather boas. Although flower girl's outfit is just a smidge trashy, it seems like a legit ceremony....at a firestation?

Ladies...

And the lovely couple.
Tell me you've all received this...seen it, and moved on? I said I would share what I received all week. I didnt say it was tasteful.


On a final note, I finished Dirt (that book about Motley Crue) in four days. Thats more reading than I did in four years of college sad to say. I highly reccomend the book as a gift for any young hard to buy for people 25 and up. I will say that the book wasnt so much the filth and sex that I had proclaimed it would be, and I walked away with a new outlook on an image I had become familliar with during my 5th-7th grade phase, the scariest looking guitarist I had ever seen, Mick Mars:

But as it turns out, Mick is just regular guy. Married, divorced, married, divorce, with a few kids, and a history of bankruptcy to show for the endless child support & divorce woes....he also has lived with a degenerative bone disease for most of his life, which could attribute to his on stage demeanor....he was usually in too much pain to be dancing around and going crazy. Although he did his share of drugs and drink, he regards him self as the old guy in the group and by far the most drama-free. This guy could have went to hs with my parents!:
Crazy. Anyway. Im sick. I hope to God its a cold and not an allergic reaction to scabby, or guinness, or what ever we're going to call him. We took him to the vet tuesday and I didnt have the guts to call him "Scabby" over the phone when I made the appointment. So, according to the vet. He's Guinness. -shrug-
Anyhoo, Im going to take some nyquil and hit the sack. Hopefully this will be over soon!


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