The last two weeks have been pretty much achy with a side of stiffness. I dont know if its the new chemo or what. Its not supposed to give any side effects, but a few days after I got this "new and improved" treatment last week, Its just been something different every damn day.The few days leading up to my volleyball game last week, I was pretty much sore all over, but I had a really bad pain in my back, upper right side just under my shoulder. The MRI showed that it wasnt anything cancer related, so I just assumed I lifted something at work or did it playing volleyball the week before. After whining on the phone about it to my dad, I followed up with informing him that even though I could barely turn my torso it hurt so bad, I was still going to give the the ol' college try and play volleyball that night. I tried to articulate that in my own messed up way, that "I felt that If something physical caused it, something physical would fix it.
Dad couldnt resist immediately brought up Cousin Eddies Christmas Vacation quote when the grandmother notices his daughters eyes weren't crossed anymore: "That's something, ain't it? She falls into a well and eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don't know."
So anyway, that's what Im calling the "Cousin Eddie" Theory of wellness. If its suffered bad trauma of any kind, fight it with good trauma. It seems to be working for me
Our new energy waster, er, I mean, garage bar. The bar hath arrived!!! John has worked tirelessly to get this guy up and running and with the help of Grandpa Roterts beloved beer signs that have been passed down, our garage now looks like the party central we envisioned two years ago. Whats awesome, too, is that I can hear it running when I go to bed.
Ive been pretty lame with posting pictures lately but nothing much has changed. I picked up a new rug for the den a few weeks ago. Stacy had me convinced that white was the way to go and then we remembered that we are not a clean people, nor are our friends. White was no longer a good idea. I wouldnt say it really "goes", but it was cheap and we can spill any damn thing we want on it.
The cat is still doing great. He's slowly taking over the show around here. Still confused as to why hes not out right encouraged to explore every orafice of the house. "What's that you say? you dont want me pawing at cords? I cant stand on the end table and drink your water? You dont want me in the fireplace tracking ashes all over the place? You guys suck."
Actually, I have a really cute story about the cat. The other night I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, and he jumps on the bed, crawls up the length of my body, and lies down with his little paws out right under my chin. His face is like two inches from mine and he puts his little paw out and STROKES MY CHEEK!!! It was the cutest damn thing ever. There. My cat is cute. Screw you if you cant handle it.
So I had a bit of a "trippy" experience this past week.....
So, Ive told a few people about this and they all thought it was interesting so Ill share it with you.
Last week, I was having reeeeely bad hip pain. Im getting to this point where Im almost afraid of my mind. It seems like whenever I think about something enough, I get a physical reaction. Case in point: After chemo I had mentioned that although I realized it was pretty screwed up, I kinda felt bummed that there were no side effect with this new drug. Not becuase I enjoy pain, of course, but there is some satisfaction when I get my IV, go home, and it totally knocks me on my ass becuase it assures me that they didnt give me some placebo or something.
Of course, the next day, Im getting cold symptoms and my lower back and hip is KILLING ME!! After being educated on the chemo and how it was supposed to target the tumor growth only, I was somewhat relieved by the pain. It was working, becuase I knew my flare-up was in the left hip and it was stinging like HELL! I was limping the ENTIRE DAY.
So I rev up the ol' CD player and bust out one of my 16 minute ChiGong routines. The hip is still hurting throughout but Im sticking with it. I finish, but Im still not satisfied. Now, let me preface this by admitting that I did take a Tylenol cold PM before this "event" happened, but I have been taking them almost everynight since and have been unable to recreate the event or get back to this "place".
So anyway, I lie down, and I have the blue glitterly lava lamp warming up next to the bed. My hip is still in severe pain and so I just start massaging the hip bone, but its not doing much. I keep staring at the lava lamp, and start to visualize whats going on in my hip:
The chemo was a red liquid. I close my eyes and envision my hip bone. The red lipid form of the chemo is penetrating the cancer in the bone, and when it hits that cancer growth, it chips away at it, almost explodes little pieces of it off bit by bit. And every twinge of pain is an explosion of chemo blasting away the cancer growth.
But I cant just leave it at that, I start to stare at the lava lamp, and start to visualize that healing blue, glittery goodness swirling around my hip. When the chemo would painfully blast another piece of cancer, the healing energy would swoop around it, carrying off the cancer away from my hip. It was carrying away the bad stuff and this protective, healing energy was also bringing strength back into my bones.
This went on for maybe a half hour and I was absolutely SOMEWHERE ELSE. All of the sudden, I snapped out of it, sat right up, and all the sudden had this strong urge to just CHUG WATER! Like, my body was telling me to flush out whatever I had pried loose. I had a huge mug of water sitting there and I chugged the whole thing.
I stand up to walk down to tell John about this, and the HIP PAIN IS GONE. I walk down stairs, sit down on the couch and start to tell John about what had just taken place. I break down crying, and he's looking at me like Im nuts!
The only problem? I cant get back "there". Ive tried a few times since and I recall hearing that sometimes getting to these meditative states can take practice. So im going to keep trying either way.
I went to volleyball last night, after a full day of excrutiating neck pain (I think I might have slept on it wrong) and got through it. In true Cousin Eddie Wellness Theory style, playing vball made the pain quickly go away. Im learning the only way to fight agressive pain is with agressive pleasure!
So many of you have been listening to my ChiGong/Blue Lava Lamp ramblings for some time now, so i took the liberty to film the blue lava lamp while playing the introductory speech of the Lift Chi Up Pour Chi Down Method program I listen to. The man comes on and tells you the benefits of daily practice. Now you can all get a little taste of crazy. (sorry, I couldnt turn the footage so the the lava lamp is sideways, thats what you get with lackluster 'puter skills.) And again, a warning, I dont know what the volume is on this thing so I would advise to turn your volume down and then turn it up as it plays. (Jami is feeling like crap this week, so this ones for you Jami! Watch it! Absorb the healing energy of the all powerful healing lava lamp!!! I command you!!!!)
Ok, I think thats it. Sorry for the more infrequent postings. Ive got big things coming up! Beer Pong tournament is just FIVE DAYS AWAY and we've already got TWENTY teams signed up. Im hearing through the grapevine that folks are reeely stepping up the costumes this year so we're certian to have some good pictures. J-Mac has been practicing his throw in the FIREBIRD NATION team uniform. BRING IT!!!
I dont know what else this week might prompt an interesting post....Im getting my port put back in on Friday, so Ill be out all day for that surgery. I love getting knocked out. I have such a hard time falling asleep, anesthesia is great. Ill post some pictures of the surgery on Friday. Maybe Ill get the nurses to take pictures of the surgery....hmmmm......any weak stomachs out there?
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