Fort's Cancer Sux!!

IM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN

Dana Sintell (Josh) & I share a special moment

Well folks, if you ever had the pleasure of sharing a beer with me, cherish the memory. After last nights phenominal bender, its going to be awhile (IF EVER) that I drink again.

Yesterday was the two-show performance of the Rubi Girls for my fundraiser. Ive never seen them before so I was pumped. Got there around 2 (for the 4p show) and started with a margarita and I was double fisting all night. The Shows were AMAZING and they raised enough money to really help with all the medical bills collecting dust next to my computer.

Here's the group after the show. The fact that im standing is an accomplishment in and of itself:

Now let me just go down the laundry list of memories that I recall....some of them I just recalled five minutes ago. Of course they are in no particular order so Ill just start with the one thats bothering me the most right now, because I just remembered it.

1 - My dad used to play softball with a guy named Greg and a guy named Joe. Now Greg and Joe really dont look at all alike. Joe Martin's mother was friends with Agnes Nixon who created All My Children. For those of you who know the show, Joe Martin is the namesake of Dr. Joe Martin, a longtime character on the show. Im a big AMC fan so I always make a big deal of it. When Greg walked in, I was all, "HEY! ITS DR. JOE!" But whats bad is that a slip like that can go forgiven, but when saturated in alcohol, I found myself actually making a big deal about how excited I was that Dr. Joe!! (I have to type it like that because I was screaming the whole time) I was at the bar telling everyone about Dr. Joe. He just kept looking at me and laughling. I hope he didnt make a donation because I certainly didnt deserve it. Greg. I know who you are, and I love you just as much as I do Dr. Joe.

2 -During the first show, one of the Rubi Girls did a number to a song that I used to LOVE when I was in Jr. High/High School. Its by Dee Lite and its called "I had a dream I was falling through a hole in the ozone layer" (seriously) So after the 4 oclock show I was just RAVING about how much I loved that song and he/she was all, "You can come up on stage with me and sing it next time" and I was all, "Uhhhh, I dont know, Id have to be pretty sauced by the seven O'clock show to do that." Well guess what:
And yes, thats me DOUBLE FISTING with one hand so I can hold the mike. I had two beers at all times from about 2p-10p, and had a few shots along the way. It was wrong on so many levels.

3- I forgot (until John reminded me at dinner tonight) that I whispered a "too much information" story to Josh while we were sitting out on the back porch after the last show. John said I was trying to whisper it but whispering is a skill lost on a drunken dumbass apparently. Josh, if you're out there, Can we forget that ever happened? Im sure it seemed funny at the time, but now Im kind of petrified to see you.

4 - John also informed me that I bought two beers and walked away from the bar forgetting the $12 in change that was sitting there. He left a tip and put the rest back.

5 - When the show was over they pulled me up on stage and we were all dancing and I got all emotional and started BAWLING on stage. I was happy and honored so wasted that I couldnt control my emotions and just started crying. Ang pulled me off stage to the dressing room where she sat me down and later informed me that one of the guys started changing right next to me and I went into a drunken daze staring at his weiner. But I dont remember that so I guess it didnt happen.

6 - Josh's falsie fell out of her dress during one of the numbers & she threw it up in the air and pulled out her shirt and caught it in her bra. Monkey See, Monkey Do.

I guess to sum up the evening, or what I can recall of it, I was mostly embarassed about getting up on stage and acting like I was Britney Spears on tour but now Im way more embarassed about calling Greg Dr. Joe all frigging night. That is unless I remember what God Awful story I told Josh on the porch. I think John knows but he wont tell me becuase I already want to crawl into a hole!!

For those of you who were there, Thank you so much. I was touched by all the support. And please please please let me apologize for my other personality, Drunky McDoublefist, as she knows not what she does.