She's Wicked! - Comedy Night - Christmas Eve Mass - Fortener Family Chaos - Barber Family Ambush - And yes, one picture of cat.

Its been a long week. Ive been REAL busy - you know, stuffing my face 24 hours a day, drinking beer like I did when I was 22, sleeping in and taking up so much real estate on my parents couch I was on the verge of getting charged rent by the time we left on Christmas.

Thursday I went up to Dayton for mom's school play. This was put on by the Moraine Meadows 4th graders, my mom and Mr. Stucky. The play was "She's Wicked!", Josh's adaptation of "Wicked" - Mom played the headmistress (or something to that effect) of the witches school. Below are the characters you all know and love:

Shelly, mom, GMa Fortener & GPa Rotert...
And of course, Kettering's finest always end the evening at a local watering hole!
Here's a video clip I took at the play - dont forget to turn your volume down first and then turn it up, these sometimes are LOUD.

You think I like to tell stories about my high school sports glory days? Ive got nothing on Cousin Carly! Nick and I went to the Fairmont-Centerville game and it wasnt pretty. (Screw you, Stewy!) Overheard at the game - Nick: "Riddle me THIS, how in the HELL does a DI varsity boys team score TWO points in the first quarter?" They ended up redeeming themselves point-wise, but still lost the game.

Oh yeah, on my way home Friday night, I got a speeding ticket on Woodman coming around the bend by Woodman Lanes. I knew I was flying, (55 in a 35, but my ticket was only 50 in a 35) and when I saw the bright quickly show up behind me, I pretty much knew my fate. Here's one thing I hate though - WHY WHY WHY do they alway ask, "Uh, ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?" I came up with like FIVE possible answers in my head and none were suitable for saying out loud:

• Um, NO. But I bet you're going to tell me.
• I was going as fast as Ive been going around that corner for the last fifteen years.
• Why would you do this to someone on Christmas?
• I guess my SR5ER license plate gets no sympathy from you, huh.
• I have diarrhea.

I have always maintained that anyone should get off using the diarrhea excuse and yet I have never used it in any of my 5-6 speeding tickets. Its so brilliant! what I also wanted to add to the cop was that if I only get ONE ticket for speeding down woodman in 15 years, THAT, my friend, is a success story. I kept that to myself though.

Saturday we put a big group together to go see a stand-up comedian downtown. He's my friends brother who just moved back into town from LA. It was a great show and we had 18 people in our group - friends, family, others. We'll just give Kenny a free pass for getting spooked by someone in the audience and giving us the most awkward 20 minutes for his finale.....his wife was due to have a baby that day! (She had the baby on Christmas) Had a great time though - all headed to Newcoms for a round before the show:

We all agreed this is the skinniest Nick's looked all year!
Monday night was mass at Trinity followed by the Fortener Family Christmas. Of course we were there a whole hour early so we had plenty of time to hang out. The church was beautiful. This is where Nick and Mere have been going, and the family has gone there the last two Christmases, ever since Nick and Mere were married there, and Grandma's funeral was there. Grandpa Rotert has been going there for awhile. I kind of like it more than Ascension - its definitely prettier!

We shoved dad to the end of the pew so he could save seats.
That's my husband, Mr. Holier-than-thou, This was the Children's mass, and all the little kids were dressed up and the little girl dressed as Mary is holding ar REAL baby, that slept the whole time! (someone mentioned Benadryl)
And back home for the Fortener Christmas, which has now evolved into a Frat party, thanks to most of my cousins being "Of age"
I get cozy with Amy, David & Mike:

Awwww...Mom & Grandpa.
Ryan, Andy, Chris & Joey:
Awwwww......
Nick's head is TWICE the size of moms!
Yes, Stacy - thats my cousin's playing caps - although the younger kids werent drinking, I still think we contributed to their delinquincy......

....by making Willie keep score during the game. Where the sober 8-year olds when we were in college? They make the greatest scorekeepers!!!
Andy kicked my butt the first game.... ...And then he beat nick.....
And then he lost to the greatest Caps player of them all....BRANDON!!!
After all the family left, I skipped down the street (in my skirt & hose...oops) down to Danny Barbers house and Ambushed his family Christmas. he said he might be up for going out that night & they were winding down anyway, so he obliged. He came over to our house where Nick and Meredith were too tired to go out, and after Nick made eight jokes about how many times Danny broke his collarbone growing up, and he and I got into a heated argument over which one of us was better friends with Danny growing up, the three of us headed out to Taggarts, and then Partners, and then home....
And of course, we had to be the cat-people that we are and dress up the cat for the holidays! (Thanks, Karen!...you were right, he absolutely spazzed for about 15 minutes but actually did manage to get it off with his hind legs, he still loves playing with it though!)
Sorry for the less than entertaining post....

Has anyone gotten a ticket lately? THey're all ELECTRONIC! THey swipe your card and print that sucker right out like a credit card receipt!!! Tickets suck!

I love that its Wednesday bc It totally feels like a Monday. Happy Wednesday.

Hope everyone had a Happy & Safe Holiday. Ill be putting up another MONSTER post tonight...tons of pics!

:)

A VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS WISH FROM STEVE MARTIN! (sorry - there wasnt enough time to post the pics -and video!- of moms play last night - it was awesome and Ill maybe have that posted tonight! Everyone have a great weekend & HAPPY FRIDAY!!!)

If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be for all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas.

Hey Dudes! Check out the new bathroom fixtures!!!

(What's sadder? That intentionally took this picture as a lead in for the biggest story of the week, our new bathroom fixtures, or.....no. That's definitely the saddest.)

So John is working second shift all week, so its just me & Hey. John is trying to call him Guinness, I cant get used to Scabby, and I just have been calling him "Hey"...when he claws on the couch, when he chases is tail on the armrest (an impressive balancing act i might add), when he tries to nose his way into a room he's not supposed to be in....at this point, he responds to "Hey!" ......Drumroll please.........

Here it is!!! Our brand new shower knob & spigot. I was kinda bummed that our Christmas money was going towards plumbing repairs, but until you've suffered with a shower head thats been around since my parents were toddlers and the separate hot/cold knobs, you'll never know the sheer EUPHORIA of having a new shower....
Gone are the days of our morning routines of turning on the hot, turning on the cold, little more hot, little less cold, little more cold....arrgh. This bad boy has just ONE knob, with a separate lever you can adjust the temperature that actually sticks, so the next time you take a shower, it just goes right to that temp! Although I like my showers hotter than John does so I doubt it will stick. THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!! LOOK AT THE SHOWER HEAD!!! 3 different kinds of spouts, visibly more pressure - its a fricking DREAM COME TRUE!!! And the plumber unclogged the stoppage that was going on in the master bedroom sink for free so I was pumped about that. YES! Merry Plumbin' Christmas to US!!!
Oh yeah, Then I was curious to see what my hair looked like from the back. (I dont have any hand mirrors) so I took this picture. Its getting long. Soon it will be in a ponytail, and mom can go back to telling me I look like a twelve year old.
Ohhhhh.....Another El Cheapo home improvement!!!
So this weekend we pretty much holed ourselves in - the weather was crappy so we were just trying to get a few things done. What started as a simple catch up of laundry and linens turned into a bathroom makeover and scrapbooking project.

If you've ever seen our master bathroom, its small, and there are these hideous cabinets in there. Big doors, and they're full of crap I never use. I wanted it too look a little nicer in there, so I made some changes that totalled up to just about $40. I removed the huge cabinet doors, and repainted all the shelves white. They were nasty, three different colors and stained with 50 years of grime and miscellaneous bathroom products. So I painted the shelves white, headed over to Old Time Pottery (Which for some reason I keep calling it Old Country Buffet in conversation, I have no idea why, maybe my Brain only has room for one "Old" style location)

Anyway - went over to the OTP and made a beeline for the baskets. I found these cute baskets for a decent price - $6 each - and headed home. I had an extra set of khaki curtians lying around and one of those cheap curtian rods and VOILA!!!:

I also removed this nasty old timey stainless steel wall mounted cupholder/soap dish from the wall - I tried to find a new one to add to it but couldnt find anything....so I swiped a frame from the downstairs bathroom, and whipped up this guy to cover up the big hole in the wall. It was MUCH easier and more fun than learning how to patch drywall:

And finally, my old school find of the week - Yes I will be wearing these home on Christmas. (yes i took this picture with the timer...Im so pathetic)

MY HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL SHOES - REEBOK PUMPS!! YES!!!

These shoes have been around, but they're in pristine condition. Im glad I never threw them away. I scored the buzzer-beating basket against Centerville during my last home game at Fairmont. Good Times. Fairmont is doing girls basketball alumni game sometime in January and they're going to introduce all the alumni women and you can BET YOUR SWEET ASS I will be wearing these!!! They're going to have an alumni game that weekend but I wont be playing, thats Saturday of our big birthday party at Haps. We're calling it the "ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF GREATNESS" Party - Stacy and I both turn thirty & Pauly is turning FORTY!! One hundred years of greatness. And modesty.

Welcome to your 1st installment of:

"OH.MY.GOD.DidthatJUSTHAPPEN?????":

Kroger Edition

This was inspired by my recent visit to the Finneytown Kroger, where I figured would be a good place to spend a Friday evening. Pick up some Firewood, some tea, a bottle of wine and a six pack of Miller Lite. Just a relaxing trip to what I found out was only one crazy person short of an ASYLUM.

Where, Oh God, where....do...I....start.

Lets start out with the fact that I was Soooorely mistaken (think Dean Rooney on Ferris Bueller) that this place wouldn't be busy. I probably spent ten extra dollars on the simple fact that 8 lanes were packed and I kept rolling back into the asiles to let things "settle down".

While things were "Settling down", I encountered my first crazy person. I was checking out the Air freshners at the end of the aisle when a woman stopped to look at the same thing. I was tucked in the aisle with my cart free from the insanity of the open end. The other poor woman was on her cell phone, with her cart behind her. She had just gotten there, so her cart was empty.

Just then, a woman comes barreling around the corner, crashing into this woman's cart like a 15-year old employee in the parking lot on a -5 degree day. But she doesnt just crash into the cart....SHE KEEPS GOING!!!

Had the startled, confused, cartless woman not turned around and quietly said, "Um, Ma'am...Ma'am!", THIS CRAZY BITCH WOULD HAVE PUSHED THAT CART TEN AISLES DOWN!!! No joke! What's funny is that the culprit then stops, turns around, and with this innocent Betty White voice, says "Oh...Oh....I didnt realize"....

Didn't Realize what??!!!???! That you didnt have a license to bulldoze other peoples carts twenty feet through the store? Or that a simple "Excuse me" would have worked? Or that you shouldnt grocery shop on meth??? WHAT EXACTLY DIDNT YOU REALIZE???

Ugh.

So I finally decide to pick a check out line and suck it up with an issue of Star magazine. As you already know, I am a sucker for celebrity smut, so getting 17 minutes of reading for free actually feels like stealing, so I all good with it.

I was in the hole. A guy in front of me was on deck with two bottles of Merlot. At bat was a chick checking out. I wasnt sure what the hold up was, but there was a money issue going on. I am a magnet for these people. If you go to the store with $20, buy $30 worth of shit, and dont have the brains to realize this until you check out, I will ALWAYS be in line behind you. It never fails. So she finally gets taken care of.

ENTER CRAZY PERSON NUMERO DOS:

So Im standing there behind Merlot guy, and I turn around to let the person behind me know that Im moving my cart up. I guess I hogged some real estate getting caught up reading about how The Hills might bring Kristin back and L.C. is ALLLLL pissed. I am so into this story and its pathetic. But anyway, Im moving my cart up, and there's this middle aged woman standing behind me and a young couple behind her.

As I turn around, the young guy looks at the woman. And quitely and politely poses a question:

"Um, ma'am, did...you see us standing here?"

OH MY GOD!!! THIS WOMAN TOTALLY PULLED CUTSIES!!! This crazy wench just cut right in front of these people!!!! Good for the guy to actually say something. If someone cut in front of me, I TOTALLY would have let them, because I have NO spine and I hatehatehate confrontation. But you bet your ass I would have badmouthed them on my blog.

(and I will tell you that the young couple was black and the middle aged woman was white - not that it matters, being shitty is being shitty, BUT....Ill get to that.)

SO ANYWAY, after this young man boldly, but politely tells this woman the error of her ways, she, I-SHIT-YOU-NOT, turns around, looks at the man, and says something to the effect of, "Oh....Oh.....no.....I....didnt realize, that. Oh, heh.".......

AND TURNS BACK AROUND!!!!!

What? What? What? Are you serious? Now, I can be friendly to the point of straight annoyance, and I can see where this woman may have had her mind else where, or maybe these folks were in the peref, WHATEVER. But AKNOWLEDGE YOUR MISTAKE!!!

I would have spent ten minutes apologizing while giving them their spot back, telling them all about the crazy day I had at work, all the laundry I had to do, about how im partially deaf because of the chemo, all that shit. I would have MADE them understand WHY I accidentally did that and pray to God that they would have the heart to forgive me. I would have exchanged emails with them and sent them funny forwards for a few months to let them know I was still thinking about them. I would have told them about my blog and that I would write about it and they should read it and post a comment to let all my readers know that everything was ok. Really. "Please, Post a comment.", I would say.

But no. I had one of those awkward moments where I got nervous. I continued my checkout just thinking, "Oh my God. That didnt just happen did it? No way. That woman did NOT just blow that guy off!!!" Thats becuase I am a total Pee-You-Ess-Ess-Why. Thats why.

In my fantasy world, I would have turned around and been all, "Hey, not all of my people are like that, seriously. Why dont you cut in front of me so I can make up for her complete absent-mindedness."

And then Id let the couple cut in front of me so the lady would have to wait for BOTH of us (both pushing about 14 items in the 15 item express lane thank you very much) and Id smugly look at her, shaking my head, laughing. "You got yours, didnt you, crazy lady???"

Guy with the Merlot. In. Out. Easy. I think to myself about my bottle of Shiraz. I feel mature with my bottle of Shiraz. I only just recently found out that White Zinfandel = WHITE TRASH. Really? Ive been bringing white zin around for years, and Stacy, and others now come to think of it, wouldnt touch it. I dont know if I saw it on tv or what, so the weekend before thanksmas I show up with Shiraz and say something like, "Hey, Is White Zin trashy?" And I got a resounding "HELL YES". Really? I dont get it. Id never heard that before.

Merlot is way too bitter for me but I do enjoy Shiraz. So thats my new thing. Shiraz. Am I not white trash any more? I cant take the wedding reception keg toss back. I just cant.

Oh yeah....so Im checking out and my bottle of Shiraz DOES NOT SCAN. My cashier yells to our neighbor line, "UH PATTY? This wine ain't scanning".....Patty responds, "Um, you'll need to take that to the counter and call another store for the total"

As if on cue, Crazy-cut-lady and the pissed off couple behind her let out a resounding, "AAAGGGHHH"....I say, "dont do that, I get another bottle".

The theme song to Benny Hill is racing through my head as I run back to the wine section. "Damn this new fancy Kroger and your overstocked section of spirits!!!! Arrrgh!!!" I finally settle on a bottle of Yellow tail Shiraz.

By the time I get back to the aisle, 76 customers had exited the Kroger since I had first entered the line, and the cut-ter and the cut-tees had become best friends. I left and came home to John watching Lord of the Rings with the cat.

Now, I promised Angie I wouldnt turn the blog into my own version of Cat Fancy, but this was just TOO CUTE. I dont care. Its cute. And it involves a cat. There. I said it. Here are my my boys!!!!! 1,2,3, awwwww:

This was my original post...the "pre-Kroger" post:

Wow! Christmas came early in a number of ways! For starters, I found out today that my tumor markers were down again. Thats awesome news! And secondly, John and I have agreed to a Christmas gift finally. You see, our paychecks are dumped into the same checking account. Thats it for us. No secret stash, no credit cards for special presents. The last few years, we've just agreed on something nice we can both do together - Maybe Bengals tickets or something like that. We seriously dont even exchange gifts. I asked him the other day what he thought we could do for our Christmas gift to each other and he said he hadnt really given it much thought.

Until today!!! I came home from work and he says, "I think I know what we could do for Christmas"....yikes! What could it be? A romantic weekend away? New furniture?

"That leak in the tub has turned into a steady stream." We saw this coming. The local whiz plumber who temporarily stopped the leak in the summer did warn us his remedy probably was going to need a serious upgrade. He had a new faceplate and valve he could get for our old school set up, includes a new shower head too....for the bargain basement price of $400....WOW!!! I wasnt expecting to spend so much on each other! This is a real treat. Merry Christmas.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

DID YOU KNOW THAT WHITE ZINFANDEL = WHITE TRASH? IS THIS COMMON KNOWLEDGE? Have you ever found out you were doing something that was socially unacceptable and nobody told you? I want to hear about it.

Nothing says "Holidays" like slow days at work and an avalanche of crazy forwards getting passed around....Heres a glimpse into some of the more noteworthy things that have hit my inbox this week:

KABA KICK - It is what you think it is...

This gem ended up on the Kelt's website. From the look of that graphic, one might think it was an error on the part of the photo department. Heads should roll! We dont want kids thinking that guns are made to be crammed into your temple before you pull the trigger, right? WRONG! "Kaba Kick" is the just the thing to let your kid know, that for now, you have to suffer through your crappy life, but once you're big enough to get your own gun, you can go hog wild with your own REAL game of russian roulette! Kaba Kick is Russian Roulette for kids. The player points the gun at his or her own head and pulls the trigger. Instead of bullets, a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo). If the gun doesn't fire, the player earns points. Yeah. This is for real...

What would Jesus drink? "Formula J", of course.

Stolen right off those tall white candles you can score in the Mexican Food section at Kroger, these "Spiritual Water" bottles are the latest product geared toward the spiritual. Ok, Catholics. This has Catholicism written all over it. I forwarded this link to some friends asking if I missed some eleventh commandment demanding "Thou shall not rape the consumer in thy name", and my dad thought it might have been lost on one of the tablets Moses dropped. He watches A LOT of Mel Brooks.

Really? THAT'S Your muffin top. REALLY.

Im glad I saved this photo off the MSN news page this morning in a moment of outrage, because just a few hours later? It was removed from the site. I can only IMAGINE the responses MSN was getting about their choices of photos for the "Whittle your Middle" article. Seriously? This woman seems to be struggling AWFULLY hard to get that hot dog sized "muffintop" pulled out over her size 2 jeans. You know what Id be doing if I had a muffintop that looked like that? NOTHING. I take that back. Not only would I NOT try to "whittle" it down, but Id call my husband and tell him to make an extra slab of ribs tonight - MAMA's GOT SOME CALORIES TO CONSUME!!!!

Im curious about those news pages. This isnt the first time that a photo that annoyed me was pulled an hour later. I imagine they have some panel of 1000 people or so who glaze over the front page each day, choose their articles, and give feedback on what works and what doesnt. Id like to be one of those people. Wake up, eat breakfast, criticize the online news, go back to bed.

I was listening to Jeff Ruby on the radio and he was giving that "Imagine what you love doing the best and make a career out of it." I hate that lecture. Only people who have actually succeed in doing that can spout that crap out, but in the real world? Majority of 20something guys will never be able to make rent playing their new Wii game, masturbating, or drinking beer. Likewise, most women cant cover the mortgage scrapbooking all day, reading gossip magazines and drinking beer. Its frustrating. And deep, deep down, we all want to believe it, but it seems way to out of reach.

And finally, the email we've all probably received at least three times in the last two years and repeat to ourselves, "Im going straight to hell for laughing at this"....the HILLBILLY WEDDING....

There are way too many factors going on in these pictures to qualify it as a legitimate wedding. First of all, the men and women are legitimately dressed. The bridesmaid dresses arent actually horrible, I mean, who am I to talk? My brides only had feather boas. Although flower girl's outfit is just a smidge trashy, it seems like a legit ceremony....at a firestation?

Ladies...

And the lovely couple.
Tell me you've all received this...seen it, and moved on? I said I would share what I received all week. I didnt say it was tasteful.

On a final note, I finished Dirt (that book about Motley Crue) in four days. Thats more reading than I did in four years of college sad to say. I highly reccomend the book as a gift for any young hard to buy for people 25 and up. I will say that the book wasnt so much the filth and sex that I had proclaimed it would be, and I walked away with a new outlook on an image I had become familliar with during my 5th-7th grade phase, the scariest looking guitarist I had ever seen, Mick Mars:

But as it turns out, Mick is just regular guy. Married, divorced, married, divorce, with a few kids, and a history of bankruptcy to show for the endless child support & divorce woes....he also has lived with a degenerative bone disease for most of his life, which could attribute to his on stage demeanor....he was usually in too much pain to be dancing around and going crazy. Although he did his share of drugs and drink, he regards him self as the old guy in the group and by far the most drama-free. This guy could have went to hs with my parents!:
Crazy. Anyway. Im sick. I hope to God its a cold and not an allergic reaction to scabby, or guinness, or what ever we're going to call him. We took him to the vet tuesday and I didnt have the guts to call him "Scabby" over the phone when I made the appointment. So, according to the vet. He's Guinness. -shrug-

Anyhoo, Im going to take some nyquil and hit the sack. Hopefully this will be over soon!

My follow up at Romers - six pricks in one day, KJ's Party, Fort Beer, Dirt, Our new cat, "Scabby", Thanksmas & more scabby....

Emily, Laura, Kat & Eva take a break from getting their buzz on...Eva had just been telling a story about how she had called the cops one night when she heard something in the house....turns out it was just Kat, whom Eva forgot was in the house. Imagine the cops busting in, kat's half dressed sleeping on the couch and Eva runs out weilding a knife....I know. Its funny.

Had a followup appt at Romer's and my "vein situation" continues to worsen....My right arm is shot (get it? Shot?) Because its the only arm they can use since I have no Lymph nodes on the other side....so I got a finger prick when I got there, and four attempts to get a vein when I sat in the chair...then the blood she took for the tumor marker at the end didnt spin out right so I needed to get ANOTHER shot to re-draw the blood. Ugh.

Anyone within an earshot of me this weekend was subjected to the glory that was my most recent purchase...."Dirt: Confessions of the Worlds most Notorious Rock Band". I picked this up before my appointment at Romers on Friday since Im still getting 45 min Avastin treatments. People, even if you hate Metal, hate the Crue or dont even know who the hell they are, this book is a must read. It is a filthy, smutty book about all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll at the height of their careers. Its a miracle any of them are still alive. Im halfway through the book and I feel like I need an STD test. I cant put it down! I just added Dr. Feelgood to my MP3 player and Im listening to it right now. Thankfully, I was about 12 when MC was hot, so I avoided becoming a trashy, big haired Marlboro Red smoking groupie by just a few years.

Back to KJ's party - Matt & Tina have apparently been trying to track me down for six long months. They had a gift for me. It was beyond my wildest dreams. FORT BEER. And a FORT BEER T-shirt. They were out in MD a few months ago and discovered this Dogfish Head beer - Read more about it here: http://beeradvocate.com/articles/658 Check out the bottle! The shirt is awesome. I put it on right away: Thanks guys! I LOVE IT!!!!!
After KJ's party I headed over to Bone & Crystals and hung out for awhile & watched a little bit of Superbad. Crystal & Bone start to decorate their tree. This is one of those times where you realize everything you do that you perceive to be "normal", isnt. I grew up with, and continue to decorate my tree the same way. Two fairly long strands of lights that I quickly wrap around the tree. I stand back and look at it crosseyed. Its a good way to make sure the lights are evenly distributed. Try It. One of the highlights of christmas is looking at lit trees crosseyed. You know you've done it before....
So anyway, Crystal sits on the floor, and I kid you not, starts WRAPPING each individual branch with lights. I sat and stared. I had never seen so much care and consideration gone into putting lights on a tree. But as Angie watched me, she knew exactly what I was thinking. "You want to go over there and speed that up, dont you?" She was right. To watch ANYTHING that I could do faster (not necessarily better) makes me anxious. I am impatient. But when it was all said and done, the tree looked great, especially crosseyed.

Ten years later, and Tracy still has the gift of finding juvinile humor in anything. She pointed and giggled at the snowmen who, Ill admit, dont exactly look like they're making smores:

I stayed the night in Dayton and the next morning, did something that will come as a shock to you all. I actually picked up one of the cats Jodi tried to unload on us at the last mother daughter weekend. Jodi sent me an email on Friday and John and I agreed to take the cat. I picked up a carrier and a few things to get us started, constantly wondering how I have spent THIRTY years proclaming I was, "NOT a cat person", yet, there I was, in my car, with a confused 6mo. old cat scratching to get out and yelling at me. Jodi called him "kiss", but John and I are probably going to call him "scabby", after the Blank's cat on Strangers With Candy. For me, its a way to keep this situation somewhat humorous.

Stacy and Angie are both furious. They are both allergic to cats and asked if I realized they wouldnt be able to come over anymore, even though, collectively, the two have spent less than 24 hours in this house in the almost 2 years we've lived here. I think we're all going to survive. Stacy thinks cats are dirty and everytime the subject of that cat came up she looked at me like I was eating poo. I think Angie got hives just talking about it on the phone. Angie demanded that I NOT turn the blog into an homage to our new cat and non-stop cat posts were "UNACCEPTABLE".

We brought ol' Scabby home and showed him where the litter box and the food was. From there he was on his own. He wanted nothing to do with us. The two hours before we left for Casey & Stacy's, the cat was M.I.A. We looked everywhere but the cat was nowhere to be found. We shrugged and left for the night. He'd figure it out.

Fort beer, as we found out, is still in production, so preserving the bottle was not a priority. We busted that bad boy open at the party and everyone got to partake:

Stacy & JWJ's face says it all.....14% alcohol and it was definitely a great way to kick of party. I remarked that it made me feel warm. A good bottle of Fort should.
Wow. We dont party like we used to:
Group picture! How did I JUST learn how to use the timer on my camera? Great group, everyone had a good time. We all stayed up for the Mayweather/Hatton fight and then it was Bedtime for Bonzo. Funniest comment of the night: HBO coverage of the fight starts scanning the crowd for celebrities and shows an unshaven moppy haired Will Farrell. Petey exclaims, "Hey! Its Adam Dunn!"
Stacy and Julie both do impersonations of how Julie used to get ready in front of the mirror in college.....
So we get home and the cat isnt by the door panting, excited to see we have finally arrived home. I find the cat under the couch downstairs. John needs to lift the couch to get him to come out. I carry him upstairs to force a little face time with the two of us. Its not long before he's crawling all over us, laying down ON the book Im trying to read, and excitedly hopping on my lap - Jodi let me know he's obsessed with the computer. He's great with John too:

Ok, thats all Im going to say about cat. Its here. We have a cat. I still dont know what to think about it.

Ok, I came on here to post some lame message about how I was too lazy to blog and when I get home all I want to do is lay on the couch blah blah blah. Throw in the fact that John went to the grocery store and picked up this Apple spice beer which im sure is LOADED with calories, but now has me buzzing around and wanting to sleep...but then I went on my site meter and saw I had 85 visits today and nothing new posted. So here are some random musings....

• First of all, GREAT NEWS! I got this email today from my Dr.'s office:
• Melissa,
  Boy do I have GREAT news for you. Your insurance has paid just about everything we have been fighting with them about. They have even paid the Lupron, the Neulasta, etc. I could just about do backflips I am so happy for you. Linda and I are afraid to breathe too loud fearing insurance will decide they made a mistage and take it all back. But it looks good so far. CONGRATULATIONS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• How awesome is that?
• All I wanted to do this weekend was get out all the Christmas decorations and give the house a good thorough cleaning. John had other ideas. About 200 pounds of wood shelving was removed from our garage with a circular saw to make room for new new bar/cooler we purchased off the deck of Hap's. This displaced a bunch of camping stuff we dont even use, so now, in addition to a mess of Christmas decorations in the basement, camping stuff has moved in.
• The ping pong table is still up in the garage covered with STUFF. It desperately needs to be put away so I can fit my car in there. But again, Im lazy.
• Cold weather makes me tired.
• I saw a vanity plate today that said "GOT KIDS".....what do you think that means?
• I have a follow up appt with Romer on Friday afternoon, then its off to KJ's party, and then Saturday is Thanksmas with all the old OU Rugby alumni.
• Im starting to understand what people say about tinnutus and how It can make you insane. The ringing in my ears continutes to get louder, changes tones, gets louder when I get stressed, and is just all around pissing me off. But there is nothing I can do about it and it will either stay or get worse. This I have been all but assured. It is so loud sometimes I have a difficult time hearing the tv. I dont know how to describe it. It is just like an insanely high pitched fuzzy "buzz". Sometimes I forget about it, but going to bed is the worst. John likes things quiet and still when he goes to sleep and I am anything but. I "spin" nonstop for hours before I can actually fall asleep. On my right side, on my back, on my left side, then on my stomach.....over and over and over and over again. Ive been letting myself just crap out on the couch instead of lying in bed with the tv on so I can get tired enough fall asleep and forget about the ringing.
• The best part of my day has become sleeping. Ive been having the craziest, most colorful dreams. They are beyond description, but every morning, I wake up with a smile because it always something fun....90% of my dreams involve Ohio U - Athens, college friends, classes....all of it. Maybe I should have been one of those lifetime students! The best part of sleeping though is that I dont have the ringing in my ears in my "other", nocturnal life. Of all the dreams I can remember, the constant, ever present ringing is never involved.
• I hate hate hate my hair. I want to grow it out but it is in that too short to be long, too long to be short phase. I dont want to get it cut, but it just looks so messy. Im just going to have to suck it up until its long enough to pull back in a ponytail. I dont care if my mom says it makes me look twelve.
• Is anyone watching Desperate Housewives? What the hell was up with that last episode? Is that some effect of the writers strike? I thought they filmed those things MONTHS AND MONTHS in advance. That was such an obvious, lazy way to wrap up storylines - Are you telling me that the people involved in these shows couldnt have written something on the fly a little better than THAT?

Why am I obsessed with The Real Housewives of Orange County? What is it with that show? Why havent I had any good postings lately? I dont know. Just feeling uninspired i guess...

Happy Hump Day!